The two languages I’m most familiar with are English and Spanish. Because I grew up in a small town that has a very high Hispanic population and the fact that I am Mexican, many people expect me to be a fluent Spanish speaker. However, this is not the case. The language barrier issue has always been one of the biggest reoccurring problems I’ve encountered throughout my life.

My father and his siblings grew up speaking Spanish and didn’t learn English until they attended American schools after moving here from Mexico. They eventually became fluent in both Spanish and English, but my grandparents did not. Despite my father knowing and regularly speaking Spanish, he never really spoke or tried to teach me Spanish at home and this opportunity, being the only way for me to learn Spanish as a child, was not utilized. It hurts me to say that at every family party or house visit I was not able to communicate with my grandparents. I was presented with a new obstacle in communication every time I was around them. Whenever we tried to have a conversation they would talk to me in Spanish and I would look desperately at the people around me for help because I had NO IDEA what they were saying. The lucky person I chose to assist in our attempt to communicate would tell me what my grandma or grandpa was saying and the rest of the conversation would only continue with the help of that translator. More often than not, after moments like this one of my family members would tell me, “You need to learn Spanish.” Whenever I heard that dreaded sentence I would feel so much shame from the many eyes that looked at me because I knew they were all in agreement. The fact that all of my other cousins, even ones that were younger than me, knew Spanish and could communicate with my grandparents without a problem didn’t make me feel any better. To this day- eighteen years later- I still hear that dreaded sentence and it gives me that same gut wrenching feeling of guilt and embarrassment that it did years ago.

In more recent years I have tried to learn Spanish but I never got very far in the understanding and usage of the language. I’m sure this was because I was not comfortable speaking Spanish so I never allowed myself to gain enough practice or experience to feel confident when I spoke. Also because I never knew enough of the words to put together a proper sentence. You would think that taking two years of Spanish in high school would have helped in my long journey to learning a new language but it didn’t. I only learned the Spanish terms for basic words like ice cream, boy, and sun.

Now that I’m being forced to speak Spanish in my college level class, I am hopeful that I will soon have the confidence to comfortably chat with anyone who speaks to me in this once-so-foreign language.